Whether you've been a loyal reader of our blogs for years or recently joined our newsletter, you'll notice that we place a strong emphasis on the concept of belonging, especially in relation to the mental health of our children. The importance of belonging cannot be overstated—it is essential for our overall life satisfaction, happiness, mental and physical well-being, and even our life span. It provides us with a deep sense of purpose and meaning.
Studies have revealed that when we lack a sense of belonging, it can lead to stress, illness, reduced well-being, and even depression. Feeling lost and alone in this vast world is a daunting prospect, especially for our children.
Throughout our history, humans have always had a deep instinctual need to belong. This need for connection and cooperation has been crucial for our survival as a species. In fact, belongingness is so fundamental that Maslow placed it just above our basic physiological and safety needs in his hierarchy of needs. From families to tribes, countries to religions, there have always been various groups for us to be a part of. However, in the modern age, these traditional forms of belonging are undergoing significant changes. They may be breaking down or becoming less distinct, but the need to belong remains as important as ever, particularly after the events of recent years.
Dr. Dan Siegel recounts a powerful encounter he had with the leader of a tribe in a war-ravaged nation plagued by famine and disease. Curious about the tribe's seemingly unyielding happiness, he posed the question, and the response he received was truly enlightening.
“We’re happy because we belong. We belong to each other in our community, and we belong to Earth.”
Despite the abundance of food, money, and material possessions in the western world, research indicates that we are among the most discontented.
We may have a fundamental problem of not belonging.
According to Dr Siegel, this sense of isolation and disconnection comes about from the mind/brain problem.
Scientists generally view the mind as “the brain in action”. Therefore, if the mind is solely a product of brain activity, it implies that the self, derived from the mind, is distinct from the self of others. Dr. Siegel argues that a comprehensive model of the mind must incorporate an interpersonal dimension, recognising that relationships are integral to the formation of the mind, just as the brain is.
He explains that we are not a singular noun but a plural verb. The "me" finds purpose and joy in life by being part of a "we". Our interconnectedness is just as significant as our personal identity. “Although we may think of, and treat relationships with one-another as the icing on the cake" he emphasises.
We are all interconnected, and going against that natural grain by living as separate systems, is responsible for a lot of harm we are doing to ourselves, one another and the planet.
So how do we integrate these selves? By cultivating the awareness that we’re both a Me that’s a differentiated bodily self, and a We.
You’re an MWe!
When we embrace the interconnected nature of our minds, a profound transformation occurs within our sense of belonging. By recognising that each of us is not just an individual, but an essential part of a greater whole, we cultivate an integrated sense of self. This integration not only inspires us to care for others, but also allows us to live a life rich in meaning, deep connections, and a profound sense of belonging to something greater than ourselves.
What would the future look like if we raise the next generation of leaders to realise that the mind, who they are, their identity, the self, is both within them and in their interconnections with other people and the planet?
To understand that within us exists an inherent identity that is abundant with love and a sense of belonging. That the concept of "self" encompasses not only our inner experiences, but also our interconnectedness with others. It is the harmonious combination of "me" and "we". This integration brings about unity and harmony, not only within ourselves, but also in our relationships with others and the world around us.
How do you foster a sense of belonging within your self / classroom / school?
Monash University offers the following 5 strategies:
1. Encourage positive relationships with teachers and school staff
Students should be encouraged to have at least one supportive adult within their school environment – someone who they know, like and have a safe, mutually respectful and supportive relationship with. Not just academic support, but emotional support as well.
The relationships students have at school are important. Students build relationships with all school staff and sometimes have more regular contact with staff who don’t teach in the classroom.
2. Create a positive peer culture of belonging
Peer groups matter. A sense of belonging towards school (or even not belonging towards school) can be contagious.
Schools that have students with a high sense of belonging create a school culture where a sense of school belonging is the norm. They offer school-sanctioned activities and events that promote the school’s ethos and values. These usually are well attended.
Schools need supportive leaders that can clearly communicate the value in school belonging. They should have policies that promote inclusive school environments as places to belong. Expectations of behaviours that foster a sense of belonging for others should run alongside other school-based expectations of behaviour. Teaching such behaviours from the day that students start school is important.
Teaching students’ social and emotional skills can also contribute to a culture of belonging. Such skills allow students to develop and grow skills that foster a sense of belonging for self and others at school.
3. Value learning
Students with a high sense of school belonging value learning, are highly motivated academically and can see the importance and value in what they learn.
Teachers can help this process by ensuring they are emphasising the importance and purpose of the material they present to students, have reasonable and appropriate academic expectations of students within their care, and have self-efficacy, confidence and passion towards the content they are teaching.
4. Take proactive steps towards mental health
All school staff should consider professional development that provides them with the skills to be preventative and responsive to the mental health and wellbeing needs of students. Staff should have basic skills to identify problems as they arise and know appropriate referral pathways.
Here relationships are key. If school staff genuinely know students as individuals, they are more equipped to detect minor nuances that could indicate problems may be occurring, such as an absence in class, or changes in behaviour.
Proactive and preventative steps can be put in place before bigger problems emerge.
5. Don’t neglect parents
Parents have an important role in school communities. However, their perceptions of school and education, and how they value and support their child’s educational experience, have a big influence on their children’s attitudes and beliefs about school.
A parent who values education, sees education as an opportunity for successful outcomes and values and respects school culture and rules is more likely to have a child who feels a sense of school belonging, compared to a parent that grumbles about school, had a bad school experience themselves, and constantly expressed a dislike towards schools.
Schools should communicate to parents that a sense of school belonging is important.
Every student in your school has a voice. You can give them an opportunity to be heard by requesting your free trial of the Life Skills GO emotion check-in tool.
We have worked with 100s of schools this year alone who have students who struggle to name how they are feeling and have found sharing their emotions challenging. If this is you, you are not alone. We did not have the research nor the evidence to support and prioritise these skills when we were young, yet they are trainable skills. We run whole school Staff Wellbeing Professional Development sessions to support just this, for more information click here Staff Wellbeing Professional Development.
