Belonging is crucial for well-being, happiness, mental and physical health, and even longevity. It provides a fundamental sense of purpose and meaning in life.

Research consistently highlights that the absence of belonging is linked to stress, illness, reduced well-being, and depression. Feeling disconnected can be profoundly isolating, especially for children navigating their way through a complex world.

The Evolutionary Need for Belonging

Humans are inherently social beings with an evolutionary drive to belong. Historically, belonging to families, tribes, nations, and religions has been crucial for survival and social cohesion. Maslow recognised its significance by placing belonging just above basic physiological and safety needs in his hierarchy of needs. Yet, in today’s world, traditional forms of belonging are shifting. Societies and social structures are evolving, becoming more fluid and less defined.

Lessons from Dr. Dan Siegel

Dr. Dan Siegel shares a poignant example from his work. He once met with a tribal leader in a war-torn region plagued by famine and disease. Despite their hardships, the people were remarkably happy. When Dr. Siegel asked about their happiness, the leader responded, “We’re happy because we belong. We belong to each other in our community, and we belong to Earth.” This insight underscores a stark contrast: despite material abundance in the West, many struggle with profound unhappiness.

The Mind-Brain Connection

Dr. Siegel explores the concept that a sense of isolation stems from a misunderstanding of the mind-brain relationship. Traditionally, the mind is seen as a byproduct of brain activity, which can lead to viewing the self as an isolated entity. However, Dr. Siegel argues that the mind is not just about brain activity; it’s deeply relational. Identities are not merely solitary constructs but are profoundly shaped by relationships with others.

According to Dr. Siegel, rather than viewing individuals as isolated entities ("me"), it is essential to recognize that they are part of a larger interconnected whole ("we"). The sense of self is thus not just an individual experience but a collective one. Relationships are not the “icing on the cake” of life—they are the cake itself.

Integrating the “Me” and the “We”

Understanding this interconnectedness can revolutionise the perception of belonging. By embracing both individual selves and relational selves, a more integrated and fulfilling sense of identity can be created. This awareness fosters greater empathy, connection, and a deeper sense of purpose.

Raising the Next Generation

Envision a future where children are raised with an understanding of their identities as both personal and communal. Recognizing that their sense of self is rooted in their connections with others and the planet could lead to more integrated, compassionate, and engaged individuals.

Fostering Belonging

To cultivate a sense of belonging in individuals, classrooms, and schools, consider the following approaches:

1. Encourage Open Communication: Create spaces where children feel safe to express themselves and share their experiences.

2. Build Community: Foster strong, supportive relationships within the classroom and school environment.

3. Promote Inclusivity: Ensure that every child feels valued and included, regardless of their background.

4. Model Connectedness: Demonstrate how to balance individuality with relational connectedness in everyday interactions.

Nurturing a deep sense of belonging can help children thrive, not just as individuals, but as part of a vibrant, interconnected world.